December 2011
73 posts
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Thanks, Supernanny.
Dictator was play-hitting me with her new friend, Simon. I told her to tell Simon that we don’t hit, so she held him up, looked him in the eye, and said,
“No hitting, Simon. That’s unasseppable!”
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First Visit to Build-a-Bear
Dictator picked out an orange cat and named it Simon after our orange cat named Simon. (She’s very creative.)
She refuses to take New Simon out of the cardboard “house” they put him in at the store.
So I’ve essentially just paid $35 for a fancy cardboard box.
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A Word of Advice
When your child has only recently graduated to sleeping diaperless overnight, and said child calls out for you at 2am, and you realize while snuggling your not-quite-awake child that this might be a good opportunity for a midnight potty break, do not ask your child if she has to pee.
Because your not-quite-awake, recently-diaperless child may nod yes.
And then she may pee.
Right that moment.
...
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One In, One Out
We’ve just completed our annual Boxing Day purge.
Because the grandparents make up for their lack of physical presence with a shit-tonne of physical presents, Dictator gets enough crap at Christmas to put Toys R Us to shame. To save our living room give back to the community, we have a one in, one out rule at Christmas and birthdays - For every gift that D gets, she picks one toy or game...
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I Don't Know Why It Bothers Me So Much...
…but if Grampa says one more thing along the lines of “Grampas don’t carry purses! That’s girly,” or “you can’t play with cars; cars are for boys,” in earshot of the Dictator, he may find himself at the airport a few days early.
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It's the Thought That Counts?
Dictator just came over with her hands cradled like she was holding something precious.
Dictator: Here, Mama!
Me [cupping my hands to take it]: Ooh… What is it?
Dictator [carefully handing it over]: Nuffing!
Then she laughed maniacally. Weirdo.
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inkdot replied to your post: Wait. Why is this a problem, again?
Lies! I didn’t have any wine it was all water all of it. (You’re sweet to invite me anywhere and put up with me. God bless.)
Your water may have been spiked with fermented grapes.
Also: You have an open invitation to come over and drink “water” any time. Preferably in pajamas.
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Wait. Why is this a problem, again?
Why are people so goddamn polite?
I bought a case of wine for the party. By my calculations, we drank significantly more than that. (And by “we”, I mean inkdot. And by “calculations”, I mean “who are we kidding? I can’t count squat at the moment.”)
Yet somehow, there are 13 unopened bottles of wine on my kitchen counter. And a Brewt.
Bless the man who...
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Mid-Day Progress Report
itonlylookslikeimincharge:
Bake cookies
Go to the chiropractor
Buy beer
Groceries
Ice cookies
Clean everything some of the things while making other things appear cleanish
Finish wrapping presents
Make Give up on brownies
Prep other party food
Ice drinks
Entertain party-goers
Drink all a little of the wine
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To Do: All The Things
Bake cookies
Go to the chiropractor
Buy beer
Groceries
Ice cookies
Clean everything
Finish wrapping presents
Make brownies
Prep other party food
Ice drinks
Entertain party-goers
Drink all the wine
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Officially the Best Wife Ever
Step 1: Sneak out and buy a ginormous television
Step 2: Store it at your friend’s house until a suitable opportunity arises for Step 3
Step 3: Enlist the help of aforementioned friend and install television in your living room while your husband is at a hockey game
Step 4: Somehow manage to avoiding spewing “IboughtyouanewTVanditsalreadyhanginginthelivingroom!” when you pick...
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“Grampa! Stop making that noise!”
– Dictator, interrupting Grampa’s nap
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I've been on vacation for three hours.
Already pleasantly tipsy.
I like vacation.
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For Future Reference
A mild lady-moustache is far less noticeable than the telltale red marks left behind after a quickie with a DIY waxing kit.
Ergo, next time you consider taking care of that upper lip right before work, Self, put down the wax and walk away.
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He'll Be Happy To Have Your Support...
bujnik replied to your chat: At Least He Waited Until Later to Ask
It makes sense to me.
falllingforward replied to your chat: At Least He Waited Until Later to Ask
it’s not entirely unreasonable to think that. - not that i might thought that for a bit too.
sitaraspeaks replied to your chat: At Least He Waited Until Later to Ask
…i also thought it went in the vagina. I HAVE NO EXCUSE FOR...
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At Least He Waited Until Later to Ask
[after a lengthy discussion with friends about basal body temperature charting]
Husband: The thermometer goes in her mouth, right?
Me: Yeah. She's not a child.
Husband: What do you mean?
Me: Well, the main reason you use an ear or rectal thermometer is because kids can't keep the thermometer in their mouths properly.
Husband: That's not what I meant. I meant... It doesn't go in her vagina, right?
Me: WHAT?
Husband: They're trying to have a baby, so...
Me: So you thought they were charting the temperature of her VAGINA?
Husband: Maybe.
Me: Be right back. Must blog this.
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Just Thought You'd Like to Know
A small blur that just used the potty ran by a moment ago, holding its bum and yelling, “I have more poop!”
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shenanigansandbookshelves replied to your photo: December Daily Sporadic Photo Challenge Day 15:…
Copper Harvest! Yum!
Silly girl. Harvest Moon!
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Say "Whip." Now Say "Cool Whip."
Dictator: You have chupchup on you!
Husband: Ketchup.
Dictator: Chupchup!
Husband: Ketch. Up.
Dictator: Chetch. Up.
Husband: Ketch. Up.
Dictator: Ketch. Up.
Husband: Ketchup.
Dictator: Chupchup!
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Momentary Panic
“Mama! I turn on the TV and Daddy’s hockey show broken and my show not on just Daddy’s show but Daddy’s hockey show broken! It not moving, Mama! Mama! It broken! Hockey broken! Oh no!”
And then she fled the room.
I think she means the TV is still tuned to Jets TV, which is showing the team logo since there’s no game on right now…
But you’d...
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Best Role Models Ever
The Husband and I are taking the Dictator to a movie tonight. It’s a pretty early show and finding time for dinner between work/daycare pick-up and the 6:30 screening is going to be a challenge.
We discussed hitting the food court and decided that the mall would be too crowded tonight.
We discussed stopping at McDonald’s, but I’m trusting my initial response, which was...
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There's Very Little a Cake Pop Can't Fix
We dropped the dog off last night. The Husband and I had choreographed a special happy dance just for the occasion, but it will never see the light of day, because Dictator…?
Utter heartbreak.
We’d explained all along that Loki was only going to be with us for a few days. Earlier in the day, we told her he’d be leaving that night. On the way to drop him off, we talked about...
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mysliceof-life-deactivated20120 asked: As far as personality goes do you see things in D that she has inherited from you guys as well as her birthparents?
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You know, just in case.
mamanerdy replied to your photo: It just keeps getting better.
I love that you are live blogging your husband & yours emotional breakdown over this dog.
I’m chronicling our unravelling should I eventually have to submit evidence when I sue my sister and her boyfriend for emotional damages.
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But on the upside...
That damn dog has already escaped twice.
The upside is that the Husband had to do most of the chasing this morning, which left him muttering “We are never getting a dog,” as he left for work.
So I’d say running all over the neighbourhood in my pajamas at 6:30 in the morning was worth it.
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Santa's Bringing Him a Dictionary
No·el [noh-el for 1, 2; noh-uhl, nohl for 3] noun
1. the Christmas season; yuletide. 2. ( lowercase ) a Christmas song or carol. 3. a male given name.
Following a photo text from the Husband requesting my approval on a package of Christmas wrapping paper (yeah, I’m a little controlling about the kind of wrapping paper we buy):
Me: Ew. Me: Wait. Just realized it’s reversible...
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But It Was Delicious Slime
mamanerdy replied to your photo: December Daily Photo Challenge Day 12: Something…
it looks like slime!
I very much regretted taking a picture of the green icing once it was all said and done, but I didn’t think a picture of my (constantly) sticky coffee table would be all that interesting to look at.
Maybe I should reduce the saturation and process this one with some kind of...
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It's not you, Dog. It's me.
We’re watching my sister’s dog for a few days, and in the twelve short hours he’s been here (seven of which I slept through), he’s already confirmed my status as not a dog person. The dog has exhibited exactly zero bad behaviours, but I had to get off my ass at both 11pm and 6:30am and go outside. In Winnipeg. In December. And it hasn’t even been a cold winter.
The...
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Names
waitingformaybebaby:
We are curious… For all the birth parents and adoptive parents out there: Who picked the baby’s name? Any special reason? Any arguments about who got to choose? Just wondering….
Ready for a long story?
This is directly from the manual our adoption agency provided us:
[The agency] believes that joint planning for naming the baby will be a very positive thing for...
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Anonymous asked: how come you won't show your daughter's face on your blog or use her real name?
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“I need hide & seek! And you need to count!”
– In case you’re wondering why we call her the Dictator
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Preschool Logic
Dictator: Mama, you a girl!
Me: Yep. Are you a girl?
Dictator: Yeah! Not Daddy. Daddy a boy!
Me: He is? Why is Daddy a boy?
Dictator: Because tigers! Rawr!
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