4-3-7-10! [Miming dialling] Beepbeepbeepbeepbeeeeeeep… Hello, pizza? I...– We make pizza at home, so I have no idea where Dictator learned to order it. That said, I’d like the number for that place if they specialize in cookie & candy pizza.
Apologies to Vegetarians Everywhere
Husband (pointing to a picture of a train): What's this?
Dictator: A train!
Husband (pointing to a balloon): Yep. What about this?
Husband (pointing to a pig): Good! What's this?
Maybe that was her version of a travel pillow?
On my way back to the office after lunch today, I ended up following a woman who was pulling two kids and a giant green garbage bag in a wagon. The boy had fallen asleep and had his face on top of the garbage bag, which was clearly filled with something soft. Given that most plastic bags bear an ominous “keep away from children” warning, and because I figured that she just didn’t know that her...
The Husband made an eye-roll-worthy double entendre at dinner about sex. Dictator looked at him and said, “Yuck.” I love that kid.
Biology is Weird
I have a nearly three-year-old daughter. Up until about six months ago, I was perfectly content with just her. Truth be told, I was adamant that I only wanted one child. Husband was a little less sure that he only wanted one initially, but after much discussion, we came to the conclusion that we had a perfectly good little family, and that with only one child, we could do things and provide things...
Mama, you bein’ unweasble.– Yes, Dictator. I suppose it is unreasonable for me to deny you ice cream for breakfast. (Related: Who taught my kid how to use the word “unreasonable”?)
bujnik replied to your post: Parenting is Magical Silly you for buying the little plastic potty in the first place. I believe my thoughts when first seeing those were “fuck that”. Dude - she used it. I would have high-fived her if she crapped in an heirloom vase.
Parenting is Magical
Did I really just high-five someone who crapped in a plastic container that I now have to empty and clean by hand? Yes. Yes, I did.
So, Apparently I Don't Need to Hide My Addiction...
…not from the Husband, anyway, who watches it “all the time.” What the what?
Dictator and I walked to the grocery store after dinner tonight to grab a few things. As we were leaving for the store, Dictator asked if she could have a treat when we got there. Occasionally, this means ice cream at the DQ across the street. This wasn’t going to be one of those times, so I said no. Because I’m a mean mommy. My “no” didn’t faze her, though, mainly...
National Infertility Awareness Week - Bust a Myth:...
I read Via Ukraine’s post about RESOLVE.org’s National Infertility Awareness Week Bust a Myth project and wanted to lend my voice to the Domestic Adoption category (share my thoughts? Shocker of all shockers, I know). RESOLVE listed a number of myths about domestic adoption, but let’s focus on “The birthmother will take the child back”, shall we? Although we did our best to educate family and...
Mama, I CRYing!– Dictator at 2am - just in case we hadn’t noticed the pay-attention-to-me fake cries coming from her room. Did I mention that it was 2am?
Mama? Movie? I watch Pincess and the Fuck?– Not until you’re older. Might I suggest the Princess and the Frog instead?
I don’t even wash my own “hand-wash only” items by...
When I applied for the job of Parent, I understood that part of the job description involved poop. Lots of poop. And vomit. And limited sleep. And resisting the urge to cringe or gag whenever I was commanded to kiss the filthy injured finger/knee/elbow that was thrust in my face. I even expected the laundry. What I didn’t expect was the amount of laundry I would do by hand, because dudes – little...
I play hideseek. Keepaboo…! Gramma! GRAMMA…?! I hideseek! Keepaboo!– Dictator, entertaining (and hopefully exhausting) herself & Gramma
Cheesecake! (When asked to say "cheese" for the camera - no idea how it morphed into "cheesecake")
I dream (ice cream)
Ispymydaeye (I spy with my little eye)
Makey puh-juhls (making puzzles)
Manila cuh-kicks (vanilla cupcakes)
Yewwow memmen (yellow lemon - oddly, she says "lemon" perfectly as long as she's not also telling you that it's yellow)