Visiting the in-laws for a few days. The menfolk have buggered off somewhere to play golf, and the Husband’s aunt just took Dictator on what is likely to be a two-hour drive. I am sitting at the kitchen table across from my mother-in-law, who is doing a crossword puzzle while I edit photos and do important things on the internet. We’re drinking coffee in perfect, comfortable...
bujnik replied to your post: bujnik replied to your post: You Should, Too. I… Oh I didn’t take it to mean you were telling me too…I was just letting you know I had as well lol. I have to learn that it’s damn near impossible to offend you.
bujnik replied to your post: You Should, Too. I did 6 years ago. I’d like very much to get a phone call. I just realized how asshole-ish that sounded. I meant the collective “you”, not you, specifically. (And why does it not surprise me that you’re a registered donor?) I’m sorry - My head’s not on straight.
You Should, Too.
bujnik replied to your post: I Have No Words Sign up for the bone marrow registry. One step ahead of you, my friend. But sincerely - thank you.
I Have No Words
We’ve just learned that a good friend has been diagnosed with multiple myeloma. The cancer is very aggressive. They’re starting chemo right away. If she’s a good candidate for a bone marrow transplant, that might buy her five years. She’s 32. Her daughter just turned three. I don’t know how to help.
Looking at new Tumblr Themes
Found one called “Bottom Foliage”. I’ve decided that that’s what I’m going to call pubic hair from this day forward.
She Has a Point
Sister-in-law: Wine. Check! Chips. Check! Balanced meal, right?
Me: Nope. Add dairy. I recommend dip.
S-i-L: OR! Chocolate!
Me: Milk chocolate, yes! Despite the fact that dark is vastly superior.
S-i-L: Not a huge dark chocolate fan.
Me: I regret to inform you that we can no longer be friends.
S-i-L: I thought that would make us the best of friends?! You would get all of the chocolate. No need to share!
Me: Friendship reinstated.
Currently Listening to the Husband Singing...
Someone’s getting laid tonight.
And I Just Thought I Had Nice Legs
Spent 40 minutes in a meeting this morning totally creeped out by one of the managers, who kept staring at my legs. Fast forward to two hours later, when I was chatting with a colleague, who burst out laughing - full-on, tears-in-her-eyes laughing - after I shifted position and crossed my legs. It took her a good minute to compose herself enough to point out the Disney Princess bandaid I’d...
You Should Have Seen The Look On Her Face
While getting changed after work… Dictator: [Pointing at the underwear I was wearing] That your unnerwear? Me: Yep. These are mine. Dictator: Like Dictator’s unnerwear? Me: Yep. Just like yours. [As I turned around to grab a shirt] Dictator: [Shocked face] MAMA! WHERE YOUR UNNERWEAR?? I don’t know if she was impressed by my magical disappearing underwear, or horrified by...
My Musical Tastes Have Changed
Not until the Dictator starting singing along with me from the backseat of the car did I realize that the disc playing was Anne Murray’s Hippo In My Tub. This led to the realization that I hadn’t changed the CD since we got into the car. Which means that the last time I changed the disc would have been the last time Dictator was in the car with me, and she hadn’t been in the car...
Getting dressed this morning… Dictator: I can’t want those unnerwear. Me: Which ones do you want? Dictator: Pink unnerwear. Me: Let’s go find some pink underwear. [fruitless search for pink underwear ensues] Me: No pink underwear today. Pick a different pair. Dictator [pointing generally at the basket of underwear]: Those ones. Me [holding up a random pair from the...
I know exactly how the rest of the evening is...
Scenario 1 We read two or three books; then lights out; then I start to sing You Are My Sunshine; then she she yells “No Sunshine!”; then I sing a couple more songs while she interrupts with variations on “No [insert random single word from song here]!”; then I leave the room; then she tries to avoid sleeping any way she can; then we attempt to watch TV while she attempts...
Baby Einstein's Theory of Relativity
We try very hard to maintain consistent rules and routines with the Dictator. We have to - she’s simply the kind of kid who’ll take the inch you just gave her and sprint around the circumference of the earth with it. Consistency can be tough even under normal circumstances, but after a visit to or from any of her grandparents (a certain few, in particular), the Husband and I find...
How to have a relaxing flight
improvisingfatherhood: Step 1: Have a kid. Step 2: Take your kid on a lot plane flights between the age of 1 and 2. Step 3: Go on a flight without your kid. Step 4: Laugh at all the non-parents who think traveling is stressful. I have fantasies about being able to travel again with a single piece of carry-on luggage and a book I actually get to read. Honest-to-goodness fantasies.
In an effort to appear to be a responsible parent...
Words that I no longer use use sparingly have tried very hard to limit: Fuck Shit Crap Asshole Asshat Jackass Goddamn/goddammit Damn it all to hell Words/phrases that I now use try to use occasionally remember to use instead: “…like all get out” (e.g. “that hurt like all get out”; “they’re annoying as all get out”) Crumb Newman! Oy Sweetmotherofallthingsholy Cripes Come on! Good...
I toot in my mouth!– Dictator
Now, Why Didn't I Think of That?
Let me preface this by saying that I am not that woman who obsesses over or, frankly, pays much attention to wrinkles and the like.* However, Dictator is at this bizarre stage where she remembers everything she’s ever been told or overhead at any time. Every. Thing. And at some point, I must have made some reference to a wrinkle on my face, which the Dictator stored away until some synapses...