Dictator was play-hitting me with her new friend, Simon. I told her to tell Simon that we don’t hit, so she held him up, looked him in the eye, and said, “No hitting, Simon. That’s unasseppable!”
First Visit to Build-a-Bear
Dictator picked out an orange cat and named it Simon after our orange cat named Simon. (She’s very creative.) She refuses to take New Simon out of the cardboard “house” they put him in at the store. So I’ve essentially just paid $35 for a fancy cardboard box.
A Word of Advice
When your child has only recently graduated to sleeping diaperless overnight, and said child calls out for you at 2am, and you realize while snuggling your not-quite-awake child that this might be a good opportunity for a midnight potty break, do not ask your child if she has to pee. Because your not-quite-awake, recently-diaperless child may nod yes. And then she may pee. Right that moment. ...
One In, One Out
We’ve just completed our annual Boxing Day purge. Because the grandparents make up for their lack of physical presence with a shit-tonne of physical presents, Dictator gets enough crap at Christmas to put Toys R Us to shame. To save our living room give back to the community, we have a one in, one out rule at Christmas and birthdays - For every gift that D gets, she picks one toy or game...
I Don't Know Why It Bothers Me So Much...
…but if Grampa says one more thing along the lines of “Grampas don’t carry purses! That’s girly,” or “you can’t play with cars; cars are for boys,” in earshot of the Dictator, he may find himself at the airport a few days early.
It's the Thought That Counts?
Dictator just came over with her hands cradled like she was holding something precious. Dictator: Here, Mama! Me [cupping my hands to take it]: Ooh… What is it? Dictator [carefully handing it over]: Nuffing! Then she laughed maniacally. Weirdo.
inkdot replied to your post: Wait. Why is this a problem, again? Lies! I didn’t have any wine it was all water all of it. (You’re sweet to invite me anywhere and put up with me. God bless.) Your water may have been spiked with fermented grapes. Also: You have an open invitation to come over and drink “water” any time. Preferably in pajamas.
Wait. Why is this a problem, again?
Why are people so goddamn polite? I bought a case of wine for the party. By my calculations, we drank significantly more than that. (And by “we”, I mean inkdot. And by “calculations”, I mean “who are we kidding? I can’t count squat at the moment.”) Yet somehow, there are 13 unopened bottles of wine on my kitchen counter. And a Brewt. Bless the man who...
Mid-Day Progress Report
itonlylookslikeimincharge: Bake cookies Go to the chiropractor Buy beer Groceries Ice cookies Clean everything some of the things while making other things appear cleanish Finish wrapping presents Make Give up on brownies Prep other party food Ice drinks Entertain party-goers Drink all a little of the wine
To Do: All The Things
Bake cookies Go to the chiropractor Buy beer Groceries Ice cookies Clean everything Finish wrapping presents Make brownies Prep other party food Ice drinks Entertain party-goers Drink all the wine
Officially the Best Wife Ever
Step 1: Sneak out and buy a ginormous television Step 2: Store it at your friend’s house until a suitable opportunity arises for Step 3 Step 3: Enlist the help of aforementioned friend and install television in your living room while your husband is at a hockey game Step 4: Somehow manage to avoiding spewing “IboughtyouanewTVanditsalreadyhanginginthelivingroom!” when you pick...
Grampa! Stop making that noise!– Dictator, interrupting Grampa’s nap
I've been on vacation for three hours.
Already pleasantly tipsy. I like vacation.
For Future Reference
A mild lady-moustache is far less noticeable than the telltale red marks left behind after a quickie with a DIY waxing kit. Ergo, next time you consider taking care of that upper lip right before work, Self, put down the wax and walk away.
He'll Be Happy To Have Your Support...
bujnik replied to your chat: At Least He Waited Until Later to Ask It makes sense to me. falllingforward replied to your chat: At Least He Waited Until Later to Ask it’s not entirely unreasonable to think that. - not that i might thought that for a bit too. sitaraspeaks replied to your chat: At Least He Waited Until Later to Ask …i also thought it went in the vagina. I HAVE NO EXCUSE FOR...