Okay, Fine. No More Vocab Lessons.
Driving to the chiropractor...
Me: Can you say "chiropractor"?
Dictator: No. Can YOU say... "road"?
Sheesh. Forget Your Wallet One Time...
I promised Dictator a donut on the way home the other day. We pulled up to the drive-thru, settled on a vanilla dip with rainbow sprinkles, and pulled forward to pay. Which is approximately when I realized that I didn’t have my wallet. Do you know how hard it is to explain to a three-year-old that she can’t have her donut because of something as silly as money? She cried all the...
Husband: Dictator, what are you doing?
Dictator: Playing wif my 'gina.
Husband: Well, if you want to do that, you need to do it in your room when you're by yourself.
Dictator: No, thank you. I just want to play wif my 'gina right here.
Grandma, you’re OLD!– What every grandmother wants to hear (repeatedly) when being greeted by her granddaughter
It's Hard to Drive with Laughter-Induced Tears in...
On the way to the sitter's this morning, apropos of nothing...
Dictator: Mama, you not touch the penis.
Dictator: You not touch the penis, Mama.
Me: I... pardon?
Dictator: Only look at the penis, Mama. And smell them. But not touch the penis.
Me: Do you mean the peonies? In the garden?
Dictator: Yes! No touching the penis. Just smelling and looking.
Me: Peonies, bebe. Can you say pee-ah-nees?
Dictator: Is what I said! Penis!
I’m pretty sure you’re all tagging me because you’re running out of folks who haven’t done this yet, and I’ll have you know I’m answering under duress because I just want the insanity to stop! Rule 1: Post the rules. Rule 2: Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post and then make 11 new ones. Rule 3: Tag 11 people and link them to your...
Our house sounds like a test-facility for “your mom” jokes lately. We’ve been teaching Dictator that the Husband and I have parents just like she does. She seems to have grasped that Grandma is also my mother, but whenever we talk about Grandma’s upcoming visit, she asks, “Oh, your mom?” She’s also been throwing out completely random references to my...
Dictator has two wake-up modes: Rooster (5am on days I’m to get up with her) and comatose teenager (9:30am on days the Husband is to get up with her). In an effort to keep the rooster in bed until a decent hour, we bought this clock: I love this clock. You set it at bedtime, and it displays stars until whatever time you’ve deemed appropriate for wakeup in the morning, at which...
Teaching Them Early
Dictator joined a mini soccer program that’s sponsored by Tim Horton’s (I guess? All I know is that her little yellow jersey says “Tim Horton’s” across the front. And that she’s bloody adorable in it). The words “I just played. I’m thirsty” are printed upside down on the inside front of the jersey. Apparently, if you take your mini soccer...
Damn You, No Name, and Your Identically-Packaged...
Dictator asked for some apple juice. I just poured her a big ol’ glass of chicken stock. I think it’s safe to say we’ve hit Health Canada’s recommended maximum sodium intake for the day.