She Called My Bluff
Dictator called my bluff this morning. When my brother was about Dictator’s age, he would sometimes resist going to the sitter’s house in the morning, and my mother would say, “Well, we can’t just not go. We have to go tell Gail that you’re not coming.” And my placated little brother would happily put on his shoes and his coat and walk down the street to the...
When your three-year-old asks if you can bake something “togevver”, and you say “yes”, but not “yes, in a few minutes; wait for me”, be prepared to drop whatever you’re doing and head to the kitchen right away. Because if you instead choose to finish up what you’re doing, by the time you enter the kitchen you may find your three-year-old has gotten...
Do Sad Bunnies Mean My Kid Is Sad?
We were decorating Easter bunny cutouts this morning. The kid kept drawing sad faces on the bunnies, despite the fact that she was laughing and smiling the whole time we were crafting. I asked her why the bunnies were sad, and she just said, “nuffing.” I asked her if she was sad, and she said, “Nuh uh.” I asked her if she was happy and she giggled and gave me a super...
bujnik replied to your post: “Mama, I want that!” Lalaloopsy Dolls are such shit. The head is like a bowling ball and it’s all awkward plastic. Their soulless dead eyes freak me out.
"Mama, I want that!"
Thanks to Disney Jr., Treehouse, and our rapidly-growing collection of Disney movies, we’ve led a blissfully (kid-oriented) commercial-free life for the last few years. That changed this morning when Dictator and I sat down to watch Kung Fu Panda, which we recorded from a regular TV station a few days ago. Now Dictator knows we’ve been holding out on her. She’s been...
Fuming. Absolutely Fucking Fuming.
We signed off on our new place on Sunday, pending lawyers and financing. Contract sent to lawyer: Check. Contract sent to bank: Check. Contract approved by lawyer: Check. Financing approved by bank: Check. Wait. Hold everything. Cross out that last checkmark. Why, you ask? Well, it’s not because of our stellar credit rating, or our well-paying jobs, or our extremely low debt ratio....
There's a Rehab for This, Right?
It started with an online room planner. I thought one floor plan couldn’t do any harm. It’s just one layout, right? It’s no big deal. It’s not like one floor plan would lead to anything more serious. But after that first floor plan, I built a second one with a different furniture layout. The next thing I knew, I wasn’t just eyeballing our furniture for kicks; I had...
The blue car is so dirty! We needa get a new car.– Dictator
Dictator and I ran a few errands tonight, resulting in me having to buckle/unbuckle her a grand total of ten times. Which meant that I had to buckle and unbuckle a very invisible but very safety-conscious Agent Oso ten times, too. Because when your kid says, “Mama! You not drive if all the seat belts not on!”, you put your car in park, get out of the driver’s seat, and buckle...
In my new brown house I haffa bigger room and I haffa bigger bed and I haffa new...– Dictator’s assessment of our new place
We bought a new house today.
August can’t come fast enough.
She's Practically Sixteen, Right?
Dictator: I go to Lala's house and you go buy the brown house?
Me: That's the plan.
Dictator: How 'bout I drive?
Me: How about no?
Dictator: How 'bout yes, Mama? I bigger this day.
Parents of the Year
Upon hearing the rustle of the cat food bag coming from the kitchen...
Husband: I have no idea what Dictator is doing with the cat food in there.
Me: So, do you think we should investigate?
This is a great idea, Mama!– Dictator, whenever she wants to convince us of something. As in, “May I have a cookie for breakfast, Mama? This is a great idea!”
You know you don't compliment each other enough...
Well, That Was One Way to Lose 5 Pounds
Thanks for the stomach bug, Dictator.
Sincere Apologies to the Guy Crossing the Street...
I was singing along to Cee Lo Green. Those lyrics weren’t directed at you. There was no need to give me the finger.