Whether or not you believe Mother’s Day applies to you, I want to thank you for choosing adoption and for making this day a possibility for someone else. 

I had the privilege of breakfast on the fancy china and excited chatter with my best girl this morning because someone chose me to be her mom. Mother’s Day is possible for me only because of the selflessness of a woman like you.

Words are inadequate, but still - Thank you. 

This. This is why. 

My heart exploded. 

Birthmom perspective (in italics below) on this earlier post… Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Kelsey! (The section I bolded particularly resonates with me.)

itonlylookslikeimincharge:

This is an interesting opinion piece by Meika Rouda, who writes great articles for The Next Family. In this particular article, she considers the following quote found on a birthmother support website:

“When I am talking to another birth mom, I’m not a birth mom, I’m a mom. We don’t have to put a title on it. I can say ‘Oh my son did this or my daughter did this‘ and I can just be a mom. There are no stipulations on it, there’s no stigma. We can just be moms.”

She goes on to say that she thinks “…it is dangerous thinking for birthmothers to be sitting around talking about the children they placed like they’re the ones mothering them. It is a different job and one that adoptive moms should get the credit for.”

I don’t think that’s what this particular birthmom was saying - I think she was saying that she can be proud of her child’s accomplishments without having to explain the dynamic of their relationship (or lack of one, depending on their situation). I don’t believe she was trying to suggest that she was mothering her child at all.

Regardless of what that birthmom was trying to say, it’s the author’s suggestion that “credit” is due to anyone that bothers me the most.

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This is perfect because I was actually going to make a post on this but instead, I’ll just reblog! The other day I had a woman ask me if I had any children, and I was completely stumped as to what to say. I’ve noticed in society, birth moms aren’t really considered mothers. Usually when/if I tell people that in fact, I do have a son, who I don’t raise or care for, it usually followed by things you should never say to a birth mom. People don’t view me as a mother, and sometimes I just want to scream at them. I AM a mother. I just made a different choice for my kid, which does not make me less then you. As a mother, isn’t it your responsibility to make sure your doing the best by your child? And by making an adoption plan to ensure that my son gets everything he could need, am I not doing the same thing? It’s not the same thing as being in the thick of it all, raising your kid and everything, but it does not make me less of a mother. It’s a double edged sword, really.

I look at pictures of Matthew, and I see me, I see Zakk, and I think of how beautiful and wonderful he is. But I do not see him as MINE. Rachel is his mother, but he would not be here without me. I do refer to him as my son, because he is. And he always will be. But he isn’t just my son. He is the son to four adults. And that’s the beauty in an open adoption. He has two parents, but he is the son to four people. Sometimes I don’t feel like I have a right to call him my son, and I still feel weird doing it sometimes. But I am coming to terms with the fact that’s exactly what he is. Me and Rachel are different kinds of moms.

And you know what? That’s okay.

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